Gosh. I am so disappointed with my Malay results. Fcuk. I have to retake, but nevermind, I believe that I can get an A this time round ! YOU GO BASH !

Anyway, this week is alright. Nothing really that special. Prelim 2 are nearing, I gotta study now ! INTENSIVE STUDYING !

I have got nothing to say. My hands are itching to shop !
xoxo
basyirah !

Greetings loved ones. Should I change from blogger to livejournal ? I feel like doing so. Nvrmind, shall change it when I have time. Time check : 7.40am . I still have so long to go before I go out to school. Rx's msg woke me up, thinking that I have to go and shower. Damn. HAHAHAHAHA. I feel so so sleepy. I had a good 8hours of sleep, but I know that's abit too much. Teeheee ^^

Fasting, for the third day ! I can make it ! Woohooo !
I need to go shopping with my loved ones. HAIS, I AM SO BROKE ! CAN ANYONE SPARE ME MONEY ?? MONEYMONEYMONEY! D:

Okay, lappy's battery is running low, so I have to offline soon. Shall just watch the television. :D

Adios, amigos !

There's more to this.

That's what I feel. I really really feel so jealous. Argh, idk why. Nevermind. Probably I'll text him some other time ? F says I should just be thick skin and text him, but I'm afraid of hurting myself again.

Gosh, this week has been very tough for me. Fasting month, school, exams. GOSH ! I feel like just giving up!!! BUT I CAN'T! I gotta perserver till the very last end.

Will only blog once a week, if I have to time to online. My lappy misses me, awwwww D:
No photos to upload, coz photos are taken by polariod cam. I'm gna save money, to get the very old old polariod, sell in malaysia. I AM DAMN BROKE ! BROKE LIKE SHIT !

Okay, I shall go pray now and then listen to some musics and study. ADIOS , AMIGOS !

I swear I just love myself too much. Gosh, I just enjoy shopping with mummy and daddy on saturday night at geylang ! Remember I said that I like the hot pink baju at Zee Shan @Geylang, OMG. I still haven't get it. But today, I spent daddy's money like freaking 60bucks on cosmetics plus my bangles ! Weee~ I realised that I used my card to pay for a 12.90 buck bangle, and the machine decline my card, coz there isn't any money left, so I used daddy's. HEHEHE.

Gna open a new account, and a new card. This card will be kept with daddy and will only be used after O level, coz I will be using this account for my work pay. Its a platinum card okay ! &&the card is so nice ! I am just so happy about it!

Went shopping with Peggy and Felice today, after we studied, which kinda fail, but I did memorise some chemistry stuffs ! THE SOLUBILITY OF SALTS ! Going fasting month, I shall fast and pray ! Okay back to the topic. Bought a lipstick for 16, a blusher at face shop for 28 and bangles for 13. Then we went to cotton on. We are shocked by all the new things ! I shouldn't have spent so much on those stuffs, and instead, get myself the big tee tgr with felice cropped top tgr with felice and peggy. D:
Sheeeeeesh.

I shall browse the internet now.
Adios, amigos !

Can you feel what I feel. The pressure of O lvl.

Oh my ! I saw a nice hot pink baju at geylang !!! Its only 199buck and there are real crystal hand sew on it ! Fcuk. I SO WNA GET IT !!! ITS HOT PINK ! damn ! I really really need to get another pair of heels, and I AM REALLY BROKE ! Gna go Johor later on and try to get handbag for hari raya there :D Hope daddy willing to pay for me ! If not, I won't get a handbag for myself.

Prelim two coming, and I am not studying ! Pffft. Gna go out with my bestfriend to study tmr ! Shall bring my lappy ! Weeeeeeeee~~ Fatin and Felice's birthday are coming, gosh, I can't spent so much for them. Coz I really really am broke D: I saw sucha nice pair of heels at Charles and Keith ytr, and I am aiming to get it ! &&make up stuffs. I am 16, so I must doll myself up :D and take lots of pictures ! :DDDDD

I want to shit, but I am controlling. Random.

Ytr, we were all talking about ghost stories at Earle's Swensens ! Oh yah ! Earle's Swensens is a must go, though it is expensive, but a treat for yourself, once in awhile, I think its alright! Its the very old version of Swensens ! Back to the ghost story, gosh, I think we cousins laughed our ass out ytr! Its just so fun talking and laughing together as cousins. Though I am the youngest, but I still get along with them !!!! Love them a lot ! Kakak's daughter is so cute!

Planned to wear heels ytr, thank goodness I didn't !

Okay, I think I blogged enough.
I HATE SALAD BTW !

XOXO.
Basyirah !

She's my bestfriend. She knows what I am going through. She understands me. I love her a lot !

This week has been tough, getting my results which are so useless to me ! HOW CAN I FREAKING FAIL AMATHS ?! BLOODY HELL ! How can i fail emaths but pass amaths ?!?!?!?!
GOSH! Andand I have to go for a bloody 2 hour chemistry remedial. Okay fine, its not that bad lah, coz rememdials are supposed to help me. Fasting month coming, I have to save myself this month ! I really gotta pray hard that I can buck up in amaths and stuffs. I planned a calendar with what I am supposed to do each day ! I really gotta follow it ! YOU CAN DO IT BASH !

Life is just a challenge. Friends and family.
I just hope that everything will end quickly. I want to end O level quickly, so that I can go and work and get lots of money and get myself branded stuffs !
I moved on from him. I am happy not thinking of him.

Can't wait for tmr cousins outing ! With an additional of a baby ! Weee~~ though I am broke, as well as my sister who is no broke too. I wonder how we are gna survive tmr ! Gna ask daddy for money then :D

Alright, I shall browse the internet for a few more minutes, before practising for some oral, as my O level english oral is round the corner !

XoXo, adios, amigos !

Gosh, failed amaths paper two. OH DAMN ! I FORGET TAKE REPORT BOOK ! AIYO !
Flea tmr I think, hope daddy allows me to go. I really need shopping badly on my own. Not with him, though he comes out the money. Hais.

Haven't even used my polaroid camera. If gg out tmr, I shall use it. :D

Great, life is so much fun without you. I don't have to think of you. You are someone in the past of my life. NOTHING FOR ME TO WORRY NOW. Its over. THANK GOD IT WAS OVER QUICKLY !

My oh my. Usher is hot. He can dance well. I will go swimming lessons with fatin after o levels ! There's so many things I want in life ! But right now, the best thing , is to just feel the love in the air. Pray hard that I will do well in O level ! Have to start praying.

Okay, shall browse the internet now,

adios, amigos !

Yeah, I'm moving on. Not coz feelings gone, but I really should just give up and move on. Life will be better from now onwards ! I can go look for hunks with my babes that are single now ! Gosh ! Useless tears for you. Damn, sometimes, when I reflect back, I realise that my nephew is just nice to me, though he knows I don't like him. He's always there for me. Hais, why coulnd't god just match us with someone from the time we were born ?

Badminton today, damn hand is aching. Had a great day with all my cliques ! They are a bunch of jokers ! Being with them, makes me feel happy for a moment, not thinking of you. You moved on so easy, why can't I ? Or probably, I just need to really learn the true meaning of love. Can someone explain to me ?

Life seems fun for me nowadays, enjoying my afternoon with my bestfriend Peggy, pouring out all my sadness to her. Gosh, she is just amazing !

I hope daddy don't force me to go JB with him this saturday, I just earned money and I need to go shopping for acceceries for HARI RAYA ! AND HEELS ! AND WALLET AND AND HANGBAG !!! OMGOMGOMG. CAN'T WAIT FOR HARI RAYA, THOUGH I'LL BE SMUGGLING THROUGH MY STUDIES FOR O LEVELS !

See, I am happy ! I can move on faster than you ! HAH !

I LOVE MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS A LOT !

xoxo,
basyirah !

I really really wna talk to you boy

Boy, you made sucha huge impact on me.
Why is it that after everytime I saw you, feelings came back ? Do you know that its very very awkward for me? I used to like you very much. But idk why things changed. I rejected you so many times, making you wait, giving you false hope. You know that my answer will be a no, you told me you don't dare to hope for high answers. But I sent you long messages telling you why we should just give up this relationship. Now, I seem to regret everything !

Bestfriend told me to just do it, don't change my mind! She supports me, but I am afraid that your answer will be a no, and that will hurt me in the end. Gosh ! I hate this feeling kae ! Why do you freaking have to make a big impact on me ? Why do I like you so much ?! Damn. I really wna text you, meet you. But I know its not gna happen. Maybe you don't have feelings for me already. Its just one sided for me. I regretted not talking to you during sat and sun. I regretted not smilling to you. I regretted all my moves. Damn.

Boy, you just make me wna fall in love with you again and again. This time round, I'll try my best, and if you really giving up on me. Then I shall not disturb you anymore. I'm sorry boy.

If only I have a boyfriend like him. GOSH. Life will just be perfect for me. Today's GCE O LEVEL MOTHER TONGUE LISTENING COMPREHENSION. I wonder who actually listened to the radio to hear along with all the O lvl students. Qst was tricky though, but its alright, as long as get an A I'm fine. I just need an A. Staring at english file right now. I'm so bored. Gna flunk prelim 1 coz I know I'm not prepared. I'm always not prepared. Just can't study on time. Need space, need relaxing, need TIME. Damn. Everything isn't just going my way. I have to give in every single time. Why can't people just understand me ? And him, boy I should just forget about receiving your msg or whatsoever.

This weekend, I'm waiting for it badly, coz I really wna see him. I hope he'll text me, but I know he wouldn't. I shall just forget it.

Gna go for the wedding with geog qsts to bomb to my dearest cousin who helps me :D
HAHAHA. Twilight saga books has good phrases to use for compo, so I have read it and took note of some vocab words. I'm sucha good girl :D

I hope that everything will pass quickly and that I can completed education by 25 !

YOU GO GIRL !

ADIOS AMIGOS,
XOXO
BASHBASH !

I think I'm bored. Yes I am. All alone at home again, reason is to study, and yet now I'm using my darling. Hahah. Send the stuffs over to Peggy's hse just now. She say daddy looked fierce. HEHEHHE. Gosh, another week, and yes, I get to see him. How much I really miss him like a lot, its been almost 5months not seeing him. I hope everything will go well, I really really miss him a lot. But too bad, circumstances doesn't allow us to be what we wna be. Damn. I envy those who has someone to love.
Night study in school tmr with bestfriend P. HAHA. Shall think what qst to bring for tmr's night study. Alright, till here then. July hasn't ended, so my facebook will still be activating.
XOXO, Bashbash !

Gosh, mouth widely open ! FREAKING PRELIMS IS COMING ! LIKE NEXT WEEK ! GEEEES.
I must start revising already. Cannot spend time anyohow, no more going out to shop already anyway I'm broke.

DAMN.
I'm gna see him next weekend, it just sucks la to actually seeing someone for two freaking whole days, not knowing what to say to him. Gosh, I sure will avoid you so that I won't be thinking of you again.

WAIT WAIT. ECLIPSE IS A SO MUST WATCH ! OMGOMGOMGOMG. JACOB AND HIS FRIENDS ARE HOT ! RILEY, THE NEWBORN VAMPIRE IS HOT TOO !!! OMGOMGOMG. I SHALL GO FIND HIS PHOTOS NOW . BYE !

Because I just love myself a lot
Gosh, exams are this monday, and right now, I'm happily blogging. Great. I'm all alone at home not going out to study, home alone studying. Geeeeeeeeeee ... I feel so broke. I really really gotta start saving money, and get myself rewards. I WANT IPHONE 4 :) Hais, i miss my friends a lot. I miss him.

So terrified of O LEVELS. MALAY O LEVELS. DAMN

Its been a long time since I've posted.
Exams are coming, or should I rather say, O LEVELS ARE COMING BITCH! WAKE UP!
Stop dilly dallying. C'mon, you gta wake up bashbash! O levels. Put aside nonsensical thing. No more shopping no more fooling around!!!
Its time, where you sit down, get your head in the game. This time, the game is your freaking o level!
WAKE UP!!!

Moving on.

I'm moving on, and I'm trying real hard to forget about it, about y0u. I had enough.
Mid Years are coming, just days ahead, and I'm gna take this as a practice and see how much better can I do. I need to focus. I'm broke, coz of shopping, which I shouldn't be doing now. I should be studying! Conditions at home are making me feel stressed up! I feel that I need to go somewhere else to study. OMG. Ya Allah, berilah hambamu ini kekuatan untuk menghadapi cabaran ini. Terima Kasih.

My birthday. I'll just let it pass. So much so for ....

Giving myself time now. Less than 60 days to O LEVEL MALAY. I GOTTA STUDY. AND STUDY. AND STOP SHOPPING. FCUK.

Gosh, many things are happening very fast. Best friends birthdays, my BIRTHDAY COMING UP TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways,life always gives you setbacks no matter what. And I'm just glad that sometimes, I can overcome my setbacks. I really love people around me and I will not take them for granted.
I've got good friends, or rather should I say friends that I cannot find them anywhere. My birthday coming soon.

YOU, YES. Gosh, why am I falling for you again? What's going on? Poeple are telling me to accept you back, and now I'm texting you like normal friends. GOSH!!! I hate what I'm doing, but at the same time, I feel so happy texting you.

For the other you, my parents know that you like me already. What to do? I still won't go further than relatives relationship. Sorry.

Please wake up. You wna go jc bashbash!!! YOU GOTTA STUDY LIKE HELL!!! STOP LAZING AROUND AND HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE. STOP IT. YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T STOP THE TEMPTATION TO SHOP. BUT YOU ARE BROKE! OMG!!!

I miss him. I miss Khairil. I miss so many things. DAMN!

In just a few more days, I'll be facing my worst days ever. FACING YOU IDIOT! i hate you very very much, but still my dad wants you to come and help.

hell no will i be talking to you, coz you are just a stranger to me.
hell no will be sms-ing you the next day in the middle of night to tell you to forget everything and start anew.
hell no will i fall in love with you!

goodbye piece of junk, coz I'm sorry to say that I go for brains, and not someone stupid and poor like you.

Abang Iz, we are still thinking of you. DDDDD:

GOSH! WHY THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU COMING BACK TO HELP OUT FOR WEDDING?! I DONT NEED YOU. MY DAD DON'T NEED YOU!
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE AND MAKING ME FEEL MISERABLE. YOU THINK THAT YOUR APPEARENCE WILL MAKE ME FEEL GUITLY OF TELLING YOU THAT YOU DON'T SUIT ME? NO. I WILL SHOW YOU THAT NOW, I'M LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND THAT YOU ARE IN NS NOW, YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT A STRANGER THAT I DON'T KNOW! I HATE SEEING YOUR FACE! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I HATE YOU HATE YOU!!!

19 AND 20TH MARCH. I WILL SHOW YOU BOY THAT I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT US! I SWEAR I WILL!!!!!

To Abang Iz,

Brother, we didn't talk much. But we all cousin love you, coz you were once the biggest brother after Abang Hisham's death. But now, you have gone to rest peacefully. All of us pray for you.

I cried hearing upon hearing this. I didn't get to at least take a good look at you before you go away. But you were strong enough to have pull through. You were brave. But we know that deep down, you are tired of all this. Ya Allah. Ampunkan lah segala dosa dia ya allah. Tempatkan lah dia pada syurga ya Allah.

Abang Iz, we hope that you can hear us now, coz we will always be praying for you no matter what. You are once our oldest cousin brother, and you will always remain like this.

Be brave.

Through all his sufferings, he still puts on a smile and brighten up the room whenever we see him. Never once did he showed us his pain. I salute you abang iz.

WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU COZ YOU ARE THE ONE THAT PUTS AN IMPACT ON OUR LIVES NOW. HAVE A GOOD REST AND WE WILL ALL MEET YOU ONE DAY.
LOVES, BASYIRAH

Yeh bitch. I'm starting to feel that way too friends. People say you treat friends nicely, and I'm starting to patch things up with my bestfriend. I love her. Things are going on great for me with my group of friends. Not saying no one can ever replace one special group of friends, Cherly Vivian Rui Xian. They are just the best you can ever have. Saying about someone, gosh, hottest topic? I don't know. I guess it really is the hottest topic. Hahahaha. You just gta realise what is going on okay? No one will tell you. Coz its not our problem :D

Flea, Shopping, studies. GOSH!

I gta need a break from all this.

Where are you prince?

Everybody has to have a partner, not now, but soon. Get that right.
XoXo,
Basyirah!

My great grand uncle just passed away. Omg, I'm feeling abit sad, though I'm not close with him at all...

Hais, everything is alright now. Love is in the air. Hehehehhe. Polaroid cameras are cool. Shop shop shop. Shopaholic. That's beginning to be me now. Fcuk. hahah!

Chem TA. studying for it now. Bye!

I don't have to know everything right? Put it this way then. Thanks very much!!!!

I guess I had enough already. I'm gna move on, and accept the reality of the two of them. Though I know that I've been bad mouthing or whatever shit. I'm asking for forgiveness. And I will just keep myself as neutral and not comment much. I'm sorry.

Things will be right okay? I've just the right way to do it. I'm still sticking to my own principles.

New specs will be ready by next week. I like it!

XoXo
Basyirah!

I'm hungry hungry and hungry. Very! School's reopening tmr. Gosh, and now I'm still deciding if I wna go airport find Faris & Co. or not. HAHAHA. Having dinner with Michelle later.

I'm broke in cash, but not in card. hahahaha. I need to go shopping and get my hands on Audrey Hepburn's pencil case and wallet at Bugis St. Dang.! Justin Bieber's Baby. HAHAHAHA. Just find that song funny. LOLS.

Nothing much to blog, just that disaster coming back tmr. All happiness turn into sorrows. School life is GNA KILL me!

XoXo
Basyirah!

Sometimes, being single is better than having to report to someone.

Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year.

My greatest wishes to you.

VDay reminded me of someone. He's currently in NS. But I'm happy that I dumped him, coz my life is way better without him. He's nothing to me. Gosh, I'm not being evil, but I'm just stating the fact. Break up or end your friendship or relationship with the guy you can't click with. No common terms, no topic to talk. What is this? Fcuk. I'm happy now that I'm single. Sorry for being blunt. But really.

Okay, this is to Nazri for asking me to update again. HAHAHAHA. Read okay boy? LOL.

My parents, and the little devil, Ain is out to johor, so left me and sister at home. I'll study today! I'm gna make sure I study today! I wna watch Valentines' Day. Sister watched it at midnight, and she said its a nice movie! Anyone out for it??? Hmmmm.

I wna go shopping, and get my hands on new perfumes. At TANGS orchard! Anyone free this holiday? Ask me out for studying or what please.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm gna go do some things for my itouch. Adios!

True love will come, but loving your friends as who they are is the best!

WHY IS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO JUST DOWNLOAD A TWILIGHT MOVIE FOR FREE??!??!?!?! THIS IS SO PISSING ME OFF MANZZ!!!

However, I had ze most wonderful day today. Evening spent with my dearest friends, sending my dearest friend, FELICE TAY, who has gone to Bangkok hours ago. Miss you friend.
HAHAHA
So, meet usual family. Rui Xian was at the airport too! :D
Talked crap, as usual. But I feel better being with Faris & co. They just laugh at anything. Gosh. I can never forget this friends.

Someone just pissed me off today. Gosh, c'mon you don't have to actually do that or whatever shit. Nevermind. Consider it done.

I feel sometimes, I'm just not myself. I need someone to talk to, but I just can't find the right person. Everybody seems to be busy settling some things on their own. Everybody has problems, yes I understand, but I just need someone.

Oh god, why am I feeling this way? I feel bad, I feel hypocrite, I feel useless, I feel very urgh!

Just someone, who can talk to me.

Thank you frienship.
It thought me to be who I am, it tought me how to poke my nose into things that I should know, and things that I should not know. Thank you friendship for teaching me values of friends.

OHOHOH. Debbie brought her PRADA bag to school!!!!
GOSH. And when I went home just now, I saw a lady holding a LV bag, with a buckle typed. OMG

I really really feel so terrible deep deep down inside, if only someone could really really understand what I'm going through.

Is it good? Losing your bestfriend?

XoXo,
Basyirah!

OH NO!!!!

DAMN.
DAMN
DAMN
DAMN
DAMN
DAMN!!!!!!

I hate everything that is happening now to me.
Now that you've got someone else. Go ahead my friend.

XoXo,
Bashbash!

Went shopping with mummy daddy ain today. Mummy saw a BONIA handbag, and I saw one too! I caught my eyes on one! And its $320!!! What a lovely price manz! How I wish my bank has more than a thousand bucks, then I can just take it out, and spent it like no one's business!

Damn, tomorrow, I'm having chem test, and I'm not sure if I'll be taking physics test or not after school, since I end at 4.45. I wna postpone the test. Please!~~~ If not I shall just not take the test???

Okay.
XoXo.
Bashbash!

I'm excited, yet scared for monday amaths lesson. I hope Mrs Sharon Tan will tell us who is the one and only girl who pass. Even if I fail, I'm so gna ask my dad to write a letter, or ask him to personally come down and talk to the teacher in charge. HMPH. I'm not gna drop amaths, coz I really really wna jc, and not poly, coz I really wna continue the cousins line of gg jc. Oh my. Please please. Pass my amaths.

I'm really not dropping it, coz i really love amaths. Damnn. Have to go to popular tmr. Left another 5 bucks, which expires tmr. So, off I'll be gg popular alone maybe. Another soul wandering about TM, CS, T1. Hahahhahahaha. Shall call someone to acc me.

I guess, I'll only be able to blog on Fridays, and Saturdays. This goes to Nazri for asking me to keep updating my blog. HAHAHAHA!

I realise, the korean band, SHINee has no hot guys, except for one or two luh. JUSTIN BIEBER, Chace Crawford, is still ze best!!

Goodnight earthlings of earth, a part of the world, human being on this lappy, gna end her topic here tonight.

Catch more of me.

XoXo,
BashBash!

I NEED SHOPPING BADLY. I'M TURNING IN A SHOPHOLIC! HAHAHAHA. I WNA GET MY HANDS ON A NEW HANDBAG. Oh my.

I need food. food. food.

Apparently, or rather should I say, currently, I have someone, a boy to correct little mistakes in my sentences. HAHAHA. Muhd Nazri. Yeah, a friend, whom I finally talked to.

Weeks have passed, and I seem to be just forgetting about it, like what my dearest Rui Xian, told me, just let it go, and wash your hands off it. So, now, I'm slowly washing my hands off. Apparently, I had the most wonderful day ever this month! Band ended early, so I managed to have dinner with dearest peoples, my "family". Consisting of Faris, Angelene, Louis, Julian, Lionel. Nazri, came over to me angelene and faris, so we talked, and talked and made laughters became so freaking loud. I never had a wonderful dinner. Or should I say, these people do know how to make others laugh? What good friends I have. Haahahahaha!

Talking from migrain pills, then to faris house, then to angelene, then to faris, then link to many things. Oh My! Laughed my ass off manz! Hahaha. Currently, talking to Nazri on msn, hahah, I can still laugh my ass out. Hahaha, I have him as me supporter. Hahaha. Faris is not to slap me! Hahahah. An abuser.

I hope that I freaking pass my amaths, coz I freaking don't wna go poly, and I really wna go JC. Please God, save me! Oh my. Now my itouch is lacking from songs, and I'm too lazy to on the PC to transfer song. What kind of itouch is this, when there is bluetooth, but can only send pictures from itouch to itouch?! DAMN. but I still love my itouch. :DDDD

So, here's to Nazri, if I ever fight with you know who, ehem... then I shall tell you okay boy? HAHAHA!

Adios, amigos!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW! MUM STOP SHOWING ME THAT FUCKING ATTITUDE! I SO FUCKING HATE IT! I HATE STAYING AT THIS FUCKING HOME, WHEN YOU GIVE ME THIS FUCKING ATTITUDE! FUCK OFFF!!!

YA RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR PISSING ME OFF IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE NIGHT, WHILE I'M TRYING TO GET MYSELF SOME SLEEP. Ya, so I'm the cause of every single thing? Do you want me to just shut the fuck up? Will that be better? C'mon, was I wrong to say those two fucking sentences only? I didn't mean anything. Look, I can't forget that incident, and it will never be erased from my mind. I'm really pissed okay. You fucking pissed me off. Do you have to say like that? Everytime you are sad or what, I'm the caused? Coz I said wrong things? Means I don't know when to say the correct thing? LOOK, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! What is the fucking wrong with me saying that???? I'M REALLY ANGRY.

I get angry this few days, like really pissed. Sometimes, people don't understand me.
I wna thank RUIXIAN, for really listening, and being there for me when I told her about this, yes. Debbie too. Thank you girls, even though I know you won't be reading my blog.

And yes, everytime we argue, I'm the first to say sorry. Why am I letting myself look so low? Why? Why can't I just resist not saying the word SORRY. Oh, coz I know you won't be saying it first right? SO?! What's the point? You don't understand. OH BOY.

I'M PISSED WITH PEOPLE AROUND ME. I SHOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THINK BEFORE I TALK!!!!!

I've always thought that my advices will always be true, worthy, but I guess it isn't so from now. GOSH! What happened? I'm stuck. I feel like I'm the cause of everything, c'mon, what will you react like then? I'm there, trying to forget it, but here, you are, trying to make me feel upset. Its has nothing to do with me, ya right. Then what is it about? Gosh, I'm feeling vexed right now. NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW! I'M FEELING VERY PISSED. AND I FEEL LIKE JUST LETTING IT GO HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so pressured. I'm so so so fcuking angry at that moment, you didn't know how much tears I tried to save, from you seeing my breakdown right in front of you. You don't freaking understand the situation I'm in. She's alright, just alright, she's okay. Just that I'm warning you. But then? What's happening?!

I hate to be in the middle, I hate having to compromise with one another, I hate being pointed that I'm the cause of trouble. YOU ARE FOOLISH TO SAY THAT. I'M PISSED, AND I'LL ALWAYS BE PISSED, TILL I GET SOME REST, FROM EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE THAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON RIGHT NOW! CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND? NO, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS, EXCEPT MY ONE AND ONLY GOD, ALLAH. I PRAY THAT I'LL BE LEAD INTO THE RIGHT PATH, I PRAY THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO SOLVE ALL THIS CONFLICTS, AND TENSIONS!!!!

Maybe i was fucking wrong in saying this, but all i said was from my heart, to myself. I talked to myself, asking, am I doing the right thing. Sometimes, I feel very upset about it. I'm neglected, but maybe I'm not. People will be thinking like that, but hey. I'm upset. Fcuking upset. Yes, all the bad words come. 'Coz I'm pissed. You might be pissed at me, I know, even if you didn't tell me. But hey, I understand.

I feel so pressured y'know. I feel so fucked up. I hate this feeling. I thought that everything will be different. Yes its different, but in a different way. F.OFF THIS FEELING CAN? F.OFF THIS ATTITUDE CAN? F.OFF THIS F.KING SITUATION CAN?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm really pissed, and sometimes, I just feel like I wna break down, right in front of everybody, and tell them, exactly, how fucking sad I am. I'm upset.

I wna talk, but I can't. Coz apparently, I'm no longer able too. I wna let my feelings out, but I can't. Coz I'm unable too. Why am I unable to do all this?! What the shit is this?!

I really feel like crying, but every single time, I try my best not to let it out, I'll breakdown when I'm alone, and people don't know. Others might not understand this situation, but I'm able to understand, but I can't overcome it.

What a fucking life I have in SEC 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

And mummy is putting pressure on me, and sometimes, teachers nowadays are very blunt, and they speak without thinking of what others feel. DAMN!

I'm really trying my best to cope myself with amaths, as I'm reading the o lvl handboook for amaths, and longman's assessment book, which is v.good to me, I think. So, I wish that I won't have to drop amaths, coz I (l) amaths freaking much. God, please save me. Thanks.

I thought it will be simple for me, but its not. Its a long journey, and I had a good talk with daddy in the car, all I know is, I gotta go jc. I want that, not just coz my aunts all think I can make it, and not just to make mummy proud, but I want to be a successful girl, among all my cousins. I gotta believe in that. I believe I can. Daddy said this, "If you can go jc, you'll be the first among my side to make it there, to that palace of your future, and if the more you get into jc, I bet your mum will get you anything, even that macpro notebook, or even a nikon or canon camera, just name it. Even your aunties, will get you something, just ask for you, especially aunty cha, she'll be very proud, all you gotta do is now, TO STUDY and make sure you do very well in your 'O' lvls, coz you are the only one that your mum is putting hopes on. " I held my tears back, coz sometimes, I believe that my aunties are all hoping that for me, coz each time they tell me that I can do it, they give me a big smile, as though they are always there to support me. Thank you aunties. I love you all.

I hope that even without DSA, I can put myself into good JCs. I believe in myself, I believe.

NOW I WANT A MACPRO NOTEBOOK. How to achieve that? give daddy my 400 bucks money and start saving the rest, till i get enough of 1000 bucks, then I can ask daddy to add in the remaining. No, I shall start saving till I get $1500 then get the most nicest macpro notebook! YEAH! That's my resolution for this year! :D

Damn. Y'know, sometimes, you just have to shut your FUCKING mouth up, so that your friends would not be mad at you.
Damn. Y'know, sometimes, you just gta keep yourself away from your friends' trouble, so to save yourself from it.
Damn. Y'know, sometimes, you just want to be someone without any problems created by friends, or even yourself.
FCUK IT.

I'm pissed. Yes, with many things. I shall rather not say here. Many problems are arising, and I knew this was gna happen, its just a matter of time. I hate everything, I hate being in the middle, and causing myself, to be on both side, for nothing! I'm tired. Really. I just want peace. Can that happen? No. Obviously. Sometimes, I feel letting it off. JUST LET THAT FUCKING THING OFF MY CHEST. But I can't. I don't wna put myself into trouble, and losing my friend in the end. What's up with that? I'm tired. I wna focus on O lvls, and I need to put myself first now, not my friends, not anyone else. Please! I'm really tired of all this. Can't everything be as per normal?

However I wish that I want everything to be as per normal, I can't have that back. I know I can't. Coz its all over, and all new beginnnings are coming and happening. Damn this year. I hate it. Fcuk. Fcuk. Fcuk!

I planned. But its not happening. I told, but its not listening. I spoked, but its not responding. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS HAPPENING?!

Fcuk!

The Truth

You gotta accept the pain, if you gotta accept the truth.

First day of school, yeah. A shock came to me. But I had expected something like that.

Geeez. But sometimes, I cry to myself, not knowing why and what actually caused me that.

But all I know is, I wna focus myself on studies.

I pity her sometimes. My friend.

And venice, stop entertaining that freak, please.

Gosh. I feel useless, at some point of time. I feel that I'm nothing. I wna be useful, and I'm trying, but I don't feel that sense of it.

Fcuk.

That's all I can say.

School was nothing, got our IC and talks from teachers. Bla bla bla. People change. Hais. Typical sec3 counsellors. Don't know how to do job. They really need a talk from excos. Die.

Lunched and homed.

I feel extremely terrible right now. right now. right now.

O lvl is like a few more months from now. And, I promise myself to do as very best as I can!

All the way!

Y'know how hard I tried.

But you put on deaf ears.

Thanks uh.