Went shopping with mummy daddy ain today. Mummy saw a BONIA handbag, and I saw one too! I caught my eyes on one! And its $320!!! What a lovely price manz! How I wish my bank has more than a thousand bucks, then I can just take it out, and spent it like no one's business!

Damn, tomorrow, I'm having chem test, and I'm not sure if I'll be taking physics test or not after school, since I end at 4.45. I wna postpone the test. Please!~~~ If not I shall just not take the test???

Okay.
XoXo.
Bashbash!

I'm excited, yet scared for monday amaths lesson. I hope Mrs Sharon Tan will tell us who is the one and only girl who pass. Even if I fail, I'm so gna ask my dad to write a letter, or ask him to personally come down and talk to the teacher in charge. HMPH. I'm not gna drop amaths, coz I really really wna jc, and not poly, coz I really wna continue the cousins line of gg jc. Oh my. Please please. Pass my amaths.

I'm really not dropping it, coz i really love amaths. Damnn. Have to go to popular tmr. Left another 5 bucks, which expires tmr. So, off I'll be gg popular alone maybe. Another soul wandering about TM, CS, T1. Hahahhahahaha. Shall call someone to acc me.

I guess, I'll only be able to blog on Fridays, and Saturdays. This goes to Nazri for asking me to keep updating my blog. HAHAHAHA!

I realise, the korean band, SHINee has no hot guys, except for one or two luh. JUSTIN BIEBER, Chace Crawford, is still ze best!!

Goodnight earthlings of earth, a part of the world, human being on this lappy, gna end her topic here tonight.

Catch more of me.

XoXo,
BashBash!

I NEED SHOPPING BADLY. I'M TURNING IN A SHOPHOLIC! HAHAHAHA. I WNA GET MY HANDS ON A NEW HANDBAG. Oh my.

I need food. food. food.

Apparently, or rather should I say, currently, I have someone, a boy to correct little mistakes in my sentences. HAHAHA. Muhd Nazri. Yeah, a friend, whom I finally talked to.

Weeks have passed, and I seem to be just forgetting about it, like what my dearest Rui Xian, told me, just let it go, and wash your hands off it. So, now, I'm slowly washing my hands off. Apparently, I had the most wonderful day ever this month! Band ended early, so I managed to have dinner with dearest peoples, my "family". Consisting of Faris, Angelene, Louis, Julian, Lionel. Nazri, came over to me angelene and faris, so we talked, and talked and made laughters became so freaking loud. I never had a wonderful dinner. Or should I say, these people do know how to make others laugh? What good friends I have. Haahahahaha!

Talking from migrain pills, then to faris house, then to angelene, then to faris, then link to many things. Oh My! Laughed my ass off manz! Hahaha. Currently, talking to Nazri on msn, hahah, I can still laugh my ass out. Hahaha, I have him as me supporter. Hahaha. Faris is not to slap me! Hahahah. An abuser.

I hope that I freaking pass my amaths, coz I freaking don't wna go poly, and I really wna go JC. Please God, save me! Oh my. Now my itouch is lacking from songs, and I'm too lazy to on the PC to transfer song. What kind of itouch is this, when there is bluetooth, but can only send pictures from itouch to itouch?! DAMN. but I still love my itouch. :DDDD

So, here's to Nazri, if I ever fight with you know who, ehem... then I shall tell you okay boy? HAHAHA!

Adios, amigos!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW! MUM STOP SHOWING ME THAT FUCKING ATTITUDE! I SO FUCKING HATE IT! I HATE STAYING AT THIS FUCKING HOME, WHEN YOU GIVE ME THIS FUCKING ATTITUDE! FUCK OFFF!!!

YA RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR PISSING ME OFF IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE NIGHT, WHILE I'M TRYING TO GET MYSELF SOME SLEEP. Ya, so I'm the cause of every single thing? Do you want me to just shut the fuck up? Will that be better? C'mon, was I wrong to say those two fucking sentences only? I didn't mean anything. Look, I can't forget that incident, and it will never be erased from my mind. I'm really pissed okay. You fucking pissed me off. Do you have to say like that? Everytime you are sad or what, I'm the caused? Coz I said wrong things? Means I don't know when to say the correct thing? LOOK, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! What is the fucking wrong with me saying that???? I'M REALLY ANGRY.

I get angry this few days, like really pissed. Sometimes, people don't understand me.
I wna thank RUIXIAN, for really listening, and being there for me when I told her about this, yes. Debbie too. Thank you girls, even though I know you won't be reading my blog.

And yes, everytime we argue, I'm the first to say sorry. Why am I letting myself look so low? Why? Why can't I just resist not saying the word SORRY. Oh, coz I know you won't be saying it first right? SO?! What's the point? You don't understand. OH BOY.

I'M PISSED WITH PEOPLE AROUND ME. I SHOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THINK BEFORE I TALK!!!!!

I've always thought that my advices will always be true, worthy, but I guess it isn't so from now. GOSH! What happened? I'm stuck. I feel like I'm the cause of everything, c'mon, what will you react like then? I'm there, trying to forget it, but here, you are, trying to make me feel upset. Its has nothing to do with me, ya right. Then what is it about? Gosh, I'm feeling vexed right now. NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW! I'M FEELING VERY PISSED. AND I FEEL LIKE JUST LETTING IT GO HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so pressured. I'm so so so fcuking angry at that moment, you didn't know how much tears I tried to save, from you seeing my breakdown right in front of you. You don't freaking understand the situation I'm in. She's alright, just alright, she's okay. Just that I'm warning you. But then? What's happening?!

I hate to be in the middle, I hate having to compromise with one another, I hate being pointed that I'm the cause of trouble. YOU ARE FOOLISH TO SAY THAT. I'M PISSED, AND I'LL ALWAYS BE PISSED, TILL I GET SOME REST, FROM EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE THAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON RIGHT NOW! CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND? NO, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS, EXCEPT MY ONE AND ONLY GOD, ALLAH. I PRAY THAT I'LL BE LEAD INTO THE RIGHT PATH, I PRAY THAT I'LL BE ABLE TO SOLVE ALL THIS CONFLICTS, AND TENSIONS!!!!

Maybe i was fucking wrong in saying this, but all i said was from my heart, to myself. I talked to myself, asking, am I doing the right thing. Sometimes, I feel very upset about it. I'm neglected, but maybe I'm not. People will be thinking like that, but hey. I'm upset. Fcuking upset. Yes, all the bad words come. 'Coz I'm pissed. You might be pissed at me, I know, even if you didn't tell me. But hey, I understand.

I feel so pressured y'know. I feel so fucked up. I hate this feeling. I thought that everything will be different. Yes its different, but in a different way. F.OFF THIS FEELING CAN? F.OFF THIS ATTITUDE CAN? F.OFF THIS F.KING SITUATION CAN?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm really pissed, and sometimes, I just feel like I wna break down, right in front of everybody, and tell them, exactly, how fucking sad I am. I'm upset.

I wna talk, but I can't. Coz apparently, I'm no longer able too. I wna let my feelings out, but I can't. Coz I'm unable too. Why am I unable to do all this?! What the shit is this?!

I really feel like crying, but every single time, I try my best not to let it out, I'll breakdown when I'm alone, and people don't know. Others might not understand this situation, but I'm able to understand, but I can't overcome it.

What a fucking life I have in SEC 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

And mummy is putting pressure on me, and sometimes, teachers nowadays are very blunt, and they speak without thinking of what others feel. DAMN!

I'm really trying my best to cope myself with amaths, as I'm reading the o lvl handboook for amaths, and longman's assessment book, which is v.good to me, I think. So, I wish that I won't have to drop amaths, coz I (l) amaths freaking much. God, please save me. Thanks.

I thought it will be simple for me, but its not. Its a long journey, and I had a good talk with daddy in the car, all I know is, I gotta go jc. I want that, not just coz my aunts all think I can make it, and not just to make mummy proud, but I want to be a successful girl, among all my cousins. I gotta believe in that. I believe I can. Daddy said this, "If you can go jc, you'll be the first among my side to make it there, to that palace of your future, and if the more you get into jc, I bet your mum will get you anything, even that macpro notebook, or even a nikon or canon camera, just name it. Even your aunties, will get you something, just ask for you, especially aunty cha, she'll be very proud, all you gotta do is now, TO STUDY and make sure you do very well in your 'O' lvls, coz you are the only one that your mum is putting hopes on. " I held my tears back, coz sometimes, I believe that my aunties are all hoping that for me, coz each time they tell me that I can do it, they give me a big smile, as though they are always there to support me. Thank you aunties. I love you all.

I hope that even without DSA, I can put myself into good JCs. I believe in myself, I believe.

NOW I WANT A MACPRO NOTEBOOK. How to achieve that? give daddy my 400 bucks money and start saving the rest, till i get enough of 1000 bucks, then I can ask daddy to add in the remaining. No, I shall start saving till I get $1500 then get the most nicest macpro notebook! YEAH! That's my resolution for this year! :D

Damn. Y'know, sometimes, you just have to shut your FUCKING mouth up, so that your friends would not be mad at you.
Damn. Y'know, sometimes, you just gta keep yourself away from your friends' trouble, so to save yourself from it.
Damn. Y'know, sometimes, you just want to be someone without any problems created by friends, or even yourself.
FCUK IT.

I'm pissed. Yes, with many things. I shall rather not say here. Many problems are arising, and I knew this was gna happen, its just a matter of time. I hate everything, I hate being in the middle, and causing myself, to be on both side, for nothing! I'm tired. Really. I just want peace. Can that happen? No. Obviously. Sometimes, I feel letting it off. JUST LET THAT FUCKING THING OFF MY CHEST. But I can't. I don't wna put myself into trouble, and losing my friend in the end. What's up with that? I'm tired. I wna focus on O lvls, and I need to put myself first now, not my friends, not anyone else. Please! I'm really tired of all this. Can't everything be as per normal?

However I wish that I want everything to be as per normal, I can't have that back. I know I can't. Coz its all over, and all new beginnnings are coming and happening. Damn this year. I hate it. Fcuk. Fcuk. Fcuk!

I planned. But its not happening. I told, but its not listening. I spoked, but its not responding. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS HAPPENING?!

Fcuk!

The Truth

You gotta accept the pain, if you gotta accept the truth.

First day of school, yeah. A shock came to me. But I had expected something like that.

Geeez. But sometimes, I cry to myself, not knowing why and what actually caused me that.

But all I know is, I wna focus myself on studies.

I pity her sometimes. My friend.

And venice, stop entertaining that freak, please.

Gosh. I feel useless, at some point of time. I feel that I'm nothing. I wna be useful, and I'm trying, but I don't feel that sense of it.

Fcuk.

That's all I can say.

School was nothing, got our IC and talks from teachers. Bla bla bla. People change. Hais. Typical sec3 counsellors. Don't know how to do job. They really need a talk from excos. Die.

Lunched and homed.

I feel extremely terrible right now. right now. right now.

O lvl is like a few more months from now. And, I promise myself to do as very best as I can!

All the way!

Y'know how hard I tried.

But you put on deaf ears.

Thanks uh.